Dinner For 6

We had dinner with oldest and his girlfriend a week ago today. We brought most of his Christmas gifts and bought their dinner. Things were a little awkward. She is divorced with 2 kids and also has her niece living with her. It felt like everyone was afraid to ask about each other. His drug test came back clean so he started work last Sunday. I keep forgetting to ask him how the work clothes I got him fit. They must be ok because he hasn’t said anything either way about them. He worked 4 days this week. He says he wants to find something else for the days he’s off from the first job. It felt like he’s wrapped around her little finger and he’s afraid to do anything stupid to lose her.

He called a couple of days ago and was afraid she was going to give him the boot because he pawned her rings and lied about it. She seemed more concerned about the lie than the rings, so I’ll give her credit for that. I could hear her in the background saying that we probably think badly of her because of this. I asked if I could talk to her and I told her that I didn’t think any less of her. I felt she had every right to be upset. I told him the same thing. He was cussing and loud when he first called but the more I talked to him the calmer he got. He was upset that someone had told lies about him. He wasn’t mad at her, just mad that she was upset. He was trying to defend himself. I told him screaming and yelling wasn’t going to solve anything. When I said that the kids shouldn’t have to listen to him like that he seemed to calm down much quicker. He really likes them. It’s ironic how he has talked so much trash about us, but he’ll call in cases like this knowing that I’m able to calm him down. Keep calling son. I’ll be here.

He wants to come to the house for dinner next. He would have come tonight, but his dad won’t be home and I’m not feeling well. I told him let’s make it next week. I would like to get to know her better. She *might* be good for him if she can handle his behavior (lies) long enough.

K was also home for the weekend. It was Thanksgiving all over again. It was as if she was right back where she was before she went to the hospital in the first place. She was upset that she got called on not doing the chores (sweeping and dusting) correctly. She melted down over it. The dust she left was so obvious. She kept saying that she did the chores correctly. When she was home she wanted to call staff to process and wouldn’t talk to me. When she’s there she wants to call me to process and won’t talk to staff. She went back Sunday. She’s cut at least twice since Monday. She’s saying she’s having flash backs because someone was in church that she didn’t want to see. She knew she might not be able to come home next weekend if she couldn’t stay safe for the two weeks in between. She still thinks she should come home even though she hasn’t been stable since going back. I told her if she’s not stable that I will not be able to watch her 24 hours a day and that she’d need to stay there until she was stable. The next day she cut again. I feel as though she’s manipulating us. If you don’t say I can come home I’ll cut. But if I come home I want to be able to do what I want and not have any responsibility (such as chores). Am I being cruel saying she can’t come home to visit because she’s not stable? Am I enabling her allowing her to come home to visit even though she’s not stable? I feel as though as long as she gets what she wants no matter her behavior, she feels she can keep doing it. Rock and a hard place, I tell ya.

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