Praise you in this storm


 

We moved K to her new placement yesterday.  It’s a very nice campus.  As I said before it’s faith based and she’ll have access to clergy and get to go to church.  In her earlier years she was very grounded in faith.  Life happened and she’s kind of forgotten about all that.  I felt very comfortable there yesterday.   They know the drill.  Maybe we’ll have her home sooner than later.



Another move tomorrow


Hopefully the last until she comes home.  The way she’s been talking to us lately she acts as if she’s going to summer camp.  It’s hard to tell if she’s doing that because I told her I wasn’t going to be an audience for her theatrics or what.  She’s given me a list of things she wants me to bring from home.  I’m not going to bring all that she requested.  I’m going to tell her that if she wants those things, she needs to do the work to get better and come home.  I have such mixed feelings.  On one hand I wonder what is really going on with her.  On the other hand, I sometimes feel that she is controlling this whole situation just so she won’t have to go back to her school where all her problems seem to be.  She asks about that a lot.  Early on I was dead set that she was going to learn how to deal with how kids are no matter what.  But if she is willing to go to these extremes to stay away from that school, what can I do?  I keep telling her she’s going to find those kinds of kids everywhere.  But there are some things she claims have happened that maybe a fresh start for her last couple of years would be best.  I just don’t know.

 

It’s an hour + trip to the respite and then another hour + to residential.  We’ll probably spend at least 3 or 4 hours admitting her.  She’s been gone since September 8 all told.  I just hope getting her settled somewhere that she shouldn’t have to move again will encourage her to start the real work of healing.



Brass Knuckles and Drama Queens


Oldest called several days ago and said he got beat up. I asked why and he said because he’s friends with his roommate and these guys were mad at the roommate. Ok. He said his lip and nose were swollen. I told him to put some ice on it. I told him I felt bad for him, but what did he expect hanging out late at night in the section of town he’s hanging out in. Life lessons and tough love. Sigh.

We’ll be moving K soon. Of course it’s an hour and a half away and not the place that’s only 50 minutes away. I did get some validation though. The coordinator at the respite told me that K shouldn’t come home for any length of time because she’s still not stable. She’ll go a few days with no issues. This bugs her that it means she gets less attention when she’s not having issues so she’ll do something to create an issue. Funny, I remember telling her school therapist that I believe that’s what she did in school. She would go a week with out anything to report and then she would come home and tell me that she said something to someone that made them upset and things would start again. I would just ask her why she had to say what she said and she would tell me she didn’t know. Well, now I know. It’s part of her problem.

She proved it again last night. I talked to her in the afternoon and she was fine. Last night she called and sounded distraught and her dad talked to her. Seems the kids were calling her names and saying mean things about her so she lost it. She knows she is leaving in a few days but she had to make it sound like it was life or death and that she just could.not.handle them talking about her and someone needed to MAKE.THEM.STOP. Another sigh.

I probably shouldn’t search the internet for stuff. I swear I found a diagnosis that hits the nail on the head for her. Actually, it’s a cross between two related disorders. Borderline and Histrionic Personality Disorder. I’m no doctor, but I tell ya, the criteria for it sure is all K. I’ll be interested in hearing what they have to say at her new placement. I won’t be surprised if they don’t give her that diagnosis though, because most of the time they don’t like to give it when kids are that age. K will be 16 in December.

One thing that I really do like about the place she is going is that it is faith based. She will have access to clergy and be able to go to church. She’s missed that for almost 2 months. She was so grounded in that for the first several years she was with us because we had the kids in a Christian school. Maybe she’ll get it back while she is there. One can hope (and pray).



Meetings and such


We had our meeting with the insurance company yesterday to determine whether or not K is eligible for residential.  It was held at the MH/MR office.  They’ve seen me before.  They’ve known me for several years due to R, the oldest.  I also had to contact the school to request a multidisciplinary evaluation for K.  The school psychologist knows me.  She’s known me for years.  Not only for R, but for KT our middle son.  I’m beginning to wonder if these people think that we’re the problem since we’ve just hit strike 3 with our kids.  Strike 4, actually, if you count not being able to keep our medically fragile child alive 13 years ago.  But they didn’t know about him.  KT is attending a different school because our home school does not have a therapeutic emotional support classroom.  Fine by me, because that boy is thriving.  He gets to go to vo-tech for emergency protective services because he wants to be a policeman.  He’s a junior this year.  I think he finally "gets" it.  He is in learning support, but I don’t think that will stop him as determined as he is.  So, now that K is most likely going to be elsewhere for the remainder of the school year, that makes all 3 of our kids being schooled largely away from our home district.  They just can’t handle my kids.  But, I’m sure they look at us like we’re terrible parents and have caused all these problems for our kids.  Sometimes I wonder that myself…

 

Anyhoo.  We had to rehash information that I’ve had to rehash at least 1000 times over the years since the adoptions.  We don’t know the birth family’s complete history.  We do know there is mental illness on both sides.  There were not convictions for abuse and neglect, etc.  K spoke with the evaluator (over the phone) and answered all her questions in typical K fashion.  Her answers all pointed to depression and suicidal thoughts, but her voice never wavered and as usual, she sounded chipper.    Before K got on the phone I told the 2 ladies in the room with me that she would get on and the first thing she would say would be "Hi Mommy!"  I nailed that one.  She’s a mamma’s girl.  The last thing she said before she got off was "Can I come home this weekend."  Fortunately I didn’t have to answer that one because I knew it would be no.  Some one else had that deed.

 

The evaluator concluded that she meets the medical necessity portion of the requirements, but that they don’t approve these things over the phone.  She instructed K’s case manager to start faxing/sending referrals to the different facilities.  I think it’s going to be an hour and a half away at least.  Can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that we won’t find anything less than an hour away.  The one place the evaluator said is really good is the farthest away.  I looked it up and they have a barnyard!  Imagine that.  They have goats and rabbits and other animals.  Hey, we have goats and rabbits and other animals at home.  She loves animals, but hates the chore of taking care of them.  Go figure.  Ok, this is not about chores and animals.  It’s about her.  The evaluator made the mistake of telling K that residential was just temporary until we can get her better and she can go back to her home school.  I wanted to scream NO.  YOU SHOULDN"T HAVE SAID THAT!  THAT’S THE LAST THING SHE WANTS.  NOW SHE WON’T EVEN TRY TO GET BETTER.  I held my tongue until after K was off the phone and explained to the MH/MR person this fact.  That school is her main hangup.  She HATES it.  She perceives all the evils of the world are in this school.  I’m just sayin’